Reasons I Cannot Wear Skirts (2)

(2) The Circle Skirt

Remember that lovely red tiramisu dress I made to wear at Christmas but never wore at Christmas and instead wore at Têt? Yeah, that dress. It got fairly regular rotation for work, especially during Melbourne’s long, hot summer.

Long, hot summer sounds nice, but trust me, it wasn’t. It was too hot for too long.

Anyway, I made the circle skirt of the tiramisu dress slightly less than a circle. The fullness was just a bit too much for my tastes (on me; looks all kinds of lovely on oodles of folks). The circle skirt is quite good at allowing me to leap stairs three at a time, run for trams and twirl and swish. Because twirling and swishing is one of the key requirements of my job (this last might not actually be true).

After one long, hot Melbourne day, I was standing at a tram stop, unsurprisingly, waiting for a tram.

Melbourne’s streets are laid out on a grid, and the streets are long. As a matter of interest, I actually live on one end of a street, and work pretty much at the other end of the street. It’s just that the street is about 7kms long. Seriously. A grid layout is certainly organised, and neat , and easy to understand. But it also creates wind tunnels. Long wind tunnels.

There I was standing at the tram stop, thinking, thank goodness for that cooler breeze and when on earth is this tram going to arrive, I’m hungry and want to be home already.

As an aside, if anyone ever invents a teleporter, will there be peak times when everyone is trying to move their broken up particles through the air? Well our particles crash on the way to work or home again? What if they crash and get stuck? Could I be reassembled at the other end with someone else’s particles, or missing particles? How would I get reunited with my particles? Are these less than tractable problems the reason no one has invented a teleporter?

So, yes, nice cool breeze. Most welcome. Looking forward to a cool change. Near me was a young woman, also (unsurprisingly) waiting for the tram. Surprisingly, she spoke to me. (I talk to strangers all the time, but they rarely start talking to me. Most only talk to me under sufferance.)

She said,”Excuse me?”
(She actually had to say this more than once because I was stuck inside my head, trying to remember the contents of my fridge and pantry, and trying to visualise chopped veggies, persuading them to chop themselves while I was travelling home. You know what the self help books say, visualise your goal and you will achieve).

I said (because I am very articulate):, “Hmm?”

She said,”Um, your skirt,” and made an upwards waving gesture, “It’s um, it’s kinda, um.”

Now, you may be thinking that she was just so impressed by the beauty of my me-made dress that she was rendered wordless. The reality was, however, that she was so embarrassed for me, poor dear, that she couldn’t even say,”you’ve been flashing all of peak traffic Melbourne for the last few minutes while contemplating the contents of your fridge and pantry or whatever it was that you were doing when you stood there looking so spaced out.”

To which I would have said, “how did you know I was thinking about my fridge and pantry?”

Instead I said, “Good lord! Sorry ’bout that,” and held my skirt down.

I wasn’t terribly embarrassed. Lucky for me, I am not the easily embarrassed sort, otherwise my days endless rounds of blushing and retreat from the world.

So the circle skirt might permit me to run and leap and twirl. But by doing so, it also enables me to display my lovely underwear to the world.

In case you are wondering, I was wearing matching red smalls. The end.


    1. Yes, the circle skirt trend (if there is one) is certainly dangerous if one does not pay close attention to the behaviour of one’s clothes!


  1. Yes, you’ve covered the long standing teleporter problem. How would all the atoms of something be moved and then replaced in an identical position? If it all stuffs up, who knows what would happen? You could arrive at your front door with your foot attached to your head by accident?!

    That dress looks alright, but at first glance I didn’t realise it would be such a saucy number? At least it’s acceptable for you to wear a dress. I reckon Australia is too hot for the stupid things blokes wear. Jeans? Trousers? They all suck when it’s hot. Why can’t we wear flowing outfits as well? When I’m President of the world, I’ll introduce a blokes flowing summer range!


    1. I would support you wearing a flowing number any day of the week! I’m a fan of Moroccan jellabiya (even if I keep trying to call them jambalayas), which can be worn by women and men, and for winter and summer (in different fabrics suited to the season, of course!)


  2. Oh, Oanh. It’s a good thing you’re not easily embarrassed. You can ignore the wind’s mischief and wear circle skirts anyway. For a long time, I eschewed dresses and skirts. I’d spent five years in private schools that only let girls wear trousers for special occasions. So once I got out, I binged on jeans (thrift stores were the best). It took a few years before I made friends with skirts again.


    1. Yes, I’m heading back to the skirt and dress fold as well. I think I’ll also be making lots of leggings to wear underneath my dresses and skirts, given my penchant for displaying my flesh unintentionally…


  3. Hi Oanh
    You did make me chuckle! Keep wearing “frocks”. You looked beautiful at the Bali wedding and I loved Nic’s matching tie.


    1. I aim to amuse, so I am glad to have succeeded. I’ve just finished another frock and have another cut out, so I think I’m well on the bandwagon now!


  4. I love it! you’re so right about these skirts, pretty and all, but what about decency 😀 And thanks for the reflexions on disintegrating particles at peak hour, it had never crosses my mind!


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